I was watching a Youtube Bible Project video (see link below) one afternoon when the video gave me an epiphany!… my attitude stunk! I had been thinking that I was so smart and my husband was thoughtless or selfish or something like that. IT WAS MY PRIDE!!! It was because of Sin that I thought that way. Neither of us were really looking to God to love or understand each other. We each decided what was wrong and right based on our interpretations of life and didn’t trust each other’s interpretations! That led to us acting in defense of ourselves. What I needed to understand was that I was his Ezer (help meet). God prompts me to teach him what I know. I was made to help! We were made to complement each other. Together we make one pretty good person. I don’t fill in all his gaps and shortcomings or complete what he won’t complete. That would be dysfunctional. We complement, encourage, help, teach and hold each other accountable as christians. I came to this relationship with certain gifts and so did he. We need to focus on the gifts God’s given each of us.
I’d been trying to hold my husband accountable by telling my husband the truth for years, but not in love. I had been forcing my husband’s hand, like Judas tried to force Jesus’s hand. It didn’t change Jesus’s plan, but it backfired on Judas. Judas suffered and died in misery because there was no repentance, no forgiveness, no peace. I needed to admit my part and apologize. Finally realizing it was God prompting me all along to teach my husband what I knew about women and children, changed my anger and demands to requests and beckoning my husband to come, be with me, be with us.
I need to speak TRUTH with LOVE. One without the other is not Godly. I need to give the mercy and grace I want for myself.
Sometimes that “holding each other accountable” part can get sticky, especially with that dreaded “submission” word that pops up in regards to husband and wives. Please see my post on submission.